Enough

For days now I have been trying to convince myself this is all just a bad dream that will go away sooner or later.
That one morning I will wake up and everything is ok again, no worries, no stress, no fear of what lies ahead...
Just a simple boring day to look forward to rather than to dread.
But sooner never comes and later seems to stretch on before me like a vast yet empty eternity .
And every morning, waking up seems even more traumatic than it was yesterday.

This is when I realize, no....
It's not ok. And sleeping at night is not a remedy but  a mere breather... a few hours of escapism.

Praying doesn't help, lately. Aside from the fact that those prayers seem to go unheard and thus, unaswered, it gives me an uneasy feeling... maybe of guilt due to the fact that I am well aware that I only usually turn to prayer when things go wrong...having this annoying human habit of forgetting the rest and being lax on calmer days.

Praying doesn't help because I couldn't seem to put my heart into it. I couldn't seem to mean the words. Not because I don't want to but because it somehow seems unfair to God...you know, broken promises...even if I didn't mean to break them... unkept words seems equivalent to a lie.

This state of persistent depression is eating me alive, taking precious years out of me and making me a miserable whiny creature. It doesn't help, listening to motivational songs or reading inspirational quotes...or watching funny movies to cheer me up. The words "don't give up...you can do it." irritates me rather than make me feel confident. It only makes me feel like somebody is pulling my leg.

We all  know I bloody can't do it. That's why I'm in this effing mess in the first place.

How I wish things will turn out ok...

They say no obstacle is ever given to someone who doesn't have the capacity to overcome it.

LIES.

Tell that to an  innocent man convicted to a deathrow and he will happily commit murder this time. At least he would've died with a valid, acceptable reason.

To you, author of my life, I am begging once again...

Enough...

my atheist of a husband

I would like to share a funny thing that happened yesterday, Easter Sunday.

My atheist of a husband, when I called him that morning, greeted me with a very cheerful at malutong na:
"Good morning, mahal! HAPPY EASTER!"









I stared at the phone for a while and then I went like "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!" (imitating the infamous tone of one of Gru's little yellow minion from the computer-animated film Despicable Me).


Yes, because he won't even greet me Merry Christmas and now he's suddenly talking Easter! I didn't even know it was already Easter Sunday! LOL!




I almost asked him if he hit his head somewhere or was abducted by aliens but then he laughed out loud and said:


"So...where are my chocolates?"


Ahh... now there's the catch. Whew!!!


I was able to breath normally again. No matter the differences between my husband and I's belief, I adore him just as he is and would never dream of changing him. I can't help it, I love everything about him. Even the supposed to be imperfections become cute attractive things because they just add up to his appeal. Well, at least to me. Maybe because I just really love him so much. Maybe because he is so nice to me... To which he responds: "Naturally, because you're my wife." (and this totally gets me, every time. ^_^ ) 

I guess, though, on the other hand, that to those Jehova witnesses or Iglesya ni Kristo folks to whose faces he slammed the door before they could even finish a greeting, I'm probably talking gibberish. LOL! Siguro dapat sinermunan ko siya about it kasi it wasn't a very nice thing to do, kaso natatawa lang ako paano he actually enjoyed what he did. I must be crazy but there was just something so funny about that scene... something eccentrically funny about it despite the fact that it seems kinda evil...(he could have just NOT answered the door when they knocked. Instead he took pleasure in opening the door and slamming it close on their smiling faces.) I could almost imagine those people's  jaw-dropped shocked expression. xD Sigurado, 'yung mga nainsulto nang todo, may pa-emote pang pagpapagpag ng mga sandalyas nila paglabas nila ng gate. Haaaaaayyyy...


Oh well. That's about it. Inaantok na ko. Tapos na ang dear diary moments ko.
I'm about to crash in ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...


...three...


...two...


...one...


nyt.

VOTING FOR THE WORST YEAR EVER

1985 to 2006...still ok. not that good but still ok. we're still in the childhood safe zone.
Then as I climbed the stairs to being a grown-up, the descent to hell began...





2007 ----> umpisa ng kalbaryo. nag-umpisang sumabit sa kalawit ng 7. Nakakapit sa palakol, sabi nga.










2008 ----> 8 na pilipit... umpisa nang mamilipit. sa sobrang ikli ng kumot maginaw pa rin kahit mamaluktot. Pigang piga na talaga, pinipilit pa rin. Bwisit na buhay 'to.






2009 ----> umasa at nabigo... kasarap ibaon ng buhay sa lupa ng nakaimbento ng sinasabing "lucky 9"... sinungaling! Lucky 9 = FAIL!!!






2010 ----> 10/10 na tumataginting...Knock out na sa hirap at problema. Kahit referee nagmamakaawa na sa demonyong destino na 'yan na tigilan na ang pagtitrip sa'min. Bro paalala lang...tao lang kaming marunong masaktan.






2011 ----> 11...onse...dalawang guhit na tila mga luhang sabay na gumuhit sa mga pisngi ko...ayoko na...suko na ko. wala pa sa kalahatian ng taon gusto ko nang magbigti sa dami ng problema. kung hindi lang may importanteng tao sa buhay ko na gusto kong makasama baka talagang tumalon na ko mula sa tulay papunta sa maruming ilog ng Arno kung saan mamamatay ka, hindi dahil sa lunod kundi dahil sa lason.
2011 bags the award for the Worst Year Ever.

2012 ----> siguro nga katapusan na ng mundo. kaya nga siguro ito ang date na napili ng author na 'yun. Sana naman makasama ko na ang asawa ko bago ang taong ito...at least man lang maligaya kong lilisanin ang mundong ito.









OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK...



Nakapag-emo na ko...tama na! Itapon na sa basurahan ang hindi kailangan!








ehem ehem...

Quoting from my favorite cartoon Shugo Chara:

Amulet Heart: "Negative Heart, LOCK ON!!!"

OPEN HEART!!!!!!!

YEAH! ^____^ (parang adik, LOL!)


It's easier said than done pero I know deep inside me that I have to cheer myself up. Kadadating lang ulit ng panibagong problema at dismaya pero kung magpapadala na naman ako sa depression, walang mababago...walang mangyayari sa buhay ko.

NO WAY! this loser life has to end and be replaced rightfully by the simple life I have always dreamed of. I owe it to myself. Looking back, I have already broken or thrown away so many of my precious dreams. Most of them have turned into "X EGGS" and finally broken like Humpty Dumpty who sat on the wall and had a great fall...broken even before my dreams were hatched into anything. (reference Shugo Chara anime).

I will not let the most precious of them all be broken as well... No. This much I owe to myself and to the person I love.
I have to try my best, specially because this time I am not alone in this precious dream.
This is Winsly & I's dream.
To finally take the path of life walking side by side. LITERALLY.

If the High Heavens still has the will to listen to a desperate plea...
Please...
You know I need him.
You know it's more than just a mere whim.

Please...
You know the words even before I speak them....

Please.
Let me be with my husband. We are meant to be together.



P.S.
Please tell that jerk...ehem, nice person.... who's writing the story of my life to please please pleeeeeeeeeeeease STOP PICKING ON ME!!! I'm sick and tired of all this misery. Andami dami na naming problema. Time out muna...pahinga muna! Walastik, dami daming mayaman na ipinapagmayabang ang sarap ng buhay nila through MTV...magagarang bahay, magagarbong lifestyle...walang pakundangan na paglulustay ng pera sa mga debut o sweet 16 .... bakit puro kaming mahihirap ang pilit na idinidikdik sa putik?! Sila naman! LOL!
Kidding aside, please lang.
Tama na.
Please.

Current Status: sound Trippin' Freddie Aguilar's songs and Reading Jose Rizal's Mi Ultimo Adios

It's finally Saturday and its ok to be sick. I was sick the whole week too but I had to go to work because of my boss's deadlines. So weekdays, it's prohibited to be sick and by that it means I have to be OK by Monday. Shit na malagkit, I have to start getting better tomorrow! But its still saturday, albeit very late, so its still ok to be sick. I have to enjoy this before I HAVE TO BE ok na naman (which is not necessarily true, I just have to fake I'm ok para di ako masibak sa trabaho.) Nahawa ko na nga rin amo ko. Bumabahing na last friday...ahhh...sweet unintentional revenge. LOL!

So here I am...nakaratay sa kama... with like 38° of fever, a sore throat, bored and maybe a bit delirious.


Yes, delirious, because I'm sound trippin' good old Freddie Aguilar's songs while reading Jose Rizal's "Mi Ultimo Adios"... what the fuck! Sira yata 'tong thermometer ko...bakit 38° lang???! This should be 50° or something, seeing as how I am actually reading something like this. I even researched the different translations in other languages! And  I don't even like Jose Rizal, for crying out loud!


Maiintindihan ko pa ang pagsa-sound trip ko kay Freddie, idol ko 'yun bata pa ko weh. I actually want the guy to sing sa formal wedding namin ni hubby ko. Kaso mukhang malabo 'yun. Mahal ata sumungil si Pareng Freddie. Nabasa ko dun sa isang blog na nasagasaan ko while researching on google how much would Freddie Aguilar's talent fee be...kinukuha ata siya sa New Zealand and Australia for a concert or something, but they backed out dahil sa taas ng singil niya. OUCH! Bye Bye Perfect Wedding dream! T_T *sigh* See you in another lifetime...

Anyway... I think my fever has probably gone up more than the usual again or maybe naoverdose lang ako finally ng paracetamol, but I'm feeling kinda weird right now...medyo high ba... something between I don't really feel good but neither do I feel that bad... Yep, this is definitely the drugs working. (By drugs I mean medicine as in paracetamol, OK?!) I'm not THAT stupid to take on the real one. LOL!

I really have no idea where this blog entry is headed... I'm too sick to think of a nice patriotic or whatever topic to talk about. I just needed a space where to write my senseless thoughts, to at least ease a bit of the pain and dizziness of my soul's shell. I have no one to talk to right now, my husband's still sound asleep on the other side of the planet, nakasubsob na naman mukha ng utol ko sa facebook and the same thing goes for my dad, while my mom is sleeping elsewhere tonight dahil may trip sila sa Assisi tomorrow.
My friends (those few of them) are probably busy, at work or kung saan mang lupalop ng earth above. I have no intention of disturbing them, same thing as right now I really don't want to be disturbed. I now understand my husband's obsession on "time alone".

Anywayz, habang binabasa ko 'yung Mi Ultimo Adios ni Rizal, sa umpisa pa lang I was already baffled.
For one thing... ang una agad niyang binanggit is "Adios, Patria adorada"... what drugs did they give this guy?! Ang lakas ng amats mo, dude! I was like, HELLO?! Tis your last hours on earth, you're about to die and you're using it counting verses for a poem for your country?! Which is, by the way, the reason why you're there in jail. Those last hours could've been spent to write important personal letters to your wife...to your family. Ang tindi ng masochistic tendencies mo, Pepe!
It makes me wonder if it is really such a heady thing to be a hero, given na you're willing to give up your life for such a thing.


Hindi kita masakyan. Tama 'yung kaibigan kong si Mr. Tripster. Kung nagkataong may time machine, sasakay ako dun para lang itanong sa'yo habang buhay ka pa kung tama bang inalay mo ang buhay mo para sa Bayang Pilipinas. Is it really worth it, dying for your countrymen? Specially now, kung makikita mo kung ano ang nangyari sa bayang pinagpakamatayan mong palayain. Kung may time machine lang, isasama kita sa panahon ngayon for you to see for yourself if it was really worth it. Maybe you would've changed your mind.
But then again, maybe not. Or even if you didn't choose that path, someone else would've probably taken it. Mahirap sakyan ang takbo ng isip ng matatalino. Masyadong malawak ang nararating ng isip...in short, lumuluwag nang husto ang turnilyo. LOL! I'm kidding. Or maybe not, still... I'm too sick right now to even really care that much. Baka nga ipukpok ko pa sa ulo mo 'yung lampadang pinaglagyan mo ng tula mo. Ang dami mong arte sa buhay, eh! You could have had a nice simple life with that wonderful lady. You could have had a son. You would've had a family. Apparently, it wasn't enough.

Hindi ko masakyan ang trip ninyong mga martir. Is doing what you did the real key to immortality? I mean, you made history, right? You did something extraordinary that marked you as a hero. Like Hercules, you got your own pass to Olympus, dude! Your body died in 1896 but you're still here up to this day because you are not really forgotten. Well, maybe just a teeny bit (but that's just because of this later generation's abnormal stupidity). Obligatory pa rin naman kasi na pag-aralan ka sa filipino history.
But still, you're sort of like an immortal.Unlike us poor ordinary unknown souls, na walang ginawang very remarkable sa mundo, who will blissfully fade into oblivion in ten to twenty years time after death.
If this is the case, who wants to be immortal?  Ahh, blessed blessed oblivion.

Yet, on one thing, I think I agree with you...
On the last words of the poem..."morir es descansar" (To die is to rest)

Is it like that for you though? Payapa ka na ba talaga? O wala ka ding final peace, furiously rolling on your grave dahil nakikita mong tila nasasayang ang buhay na inalay mo sa bayan?

May mga natitira ka namang ilang mga disciples. Kokonti, pero meron pa. I just thought you'd want to know.

Oh, I used to be one of them. I'm still undecided whether to continue or not. Naiba na kasi ang qualifications ngayon para maging bayani. Its not about sacrifice or dying for your country anymore.

Bayani ka na ngayon basta maging sikat or controversial ka sa gobyerno, kahit pa panay kabalbalan lang ang ginawa mo. Saksi dyan ang libingan ng mga bayani sa Fort Bonifacio.

Bayani ka na ngayon basta makakapagpasok ka ng yaman sa kaban ng bayan. Patunay dito ang mga OFWs at OCWs na inuuto ng gobyerno sa pamamagitan ng kantang "Bagong Bayani...", pero pinapatay naman sa tax, pahirapan sa pag-aayos ng mga documents at mga bastos na government workers na matindi ang sense of being talangka..(crab mentality)

Bayani ka na ngayon basta makapag-papicture ka when doing volunteer works, basta na-post 'yun sa facebook at madaming nag-comment to compliment you. Kahit ang totoo tumabi ka lang naman dun sa orihinal na may plano at tunay na malinis ang intensyon sa volunteer program.

Bayani?

Ewan.
Katulad ng ating sariling wika, the real meaning of this word is slowly but surely fading away into oblivion...
Sayang... Kayganda pa naman ng ating wika.
Isa ito sa mga pinaka-emosyonal at sincere na wika sa buong mundo. Patunay dito ang awit ni Freddie Aguilar na "ANAK", translated in so many languages around the world pero mararamdaman mo lang ang tunay na essence at mapapaluha ka talaga pag sa original tagalog mo narinig. The foreign translations don't even come close to giving justice to the real beauty of the song. Even the foreigners who have heard it thought so too.

To end this senseless, chaotic chatter, i-share ko lang ang pinakamagandang awit ni Freddie Aguilar na napakinggan ko. It's a sort of a sweet lullaby entitled "Awit ni Ina". The Filipino Language is like this. Sweet but melancholic...
A fading melody...

" ...Mga araw ay lumilipas na...ngunit di ang mga.....awit ni Ina...

....Hmmmm...yakap mo ba ba...ang melodiya...? Hmmmmm... "

La Bellezza del Tramonto

“Perché in fondo,

siamo tutti Viaggiatori

con le proprie incerte destinazioni.

E poi di solito...

il tutto si fa più chiaro,

quando il sole ormai ha sonno...

Perché mentre la notte ci avvolge

nel suo oscuro abbraccio

Allora pian piano

cominciamo...
 a vedere, sì a vedere chiaramente

la bellezza delle prime stelle.”

 

Tagalog Version:

Dahil lahat tayo ay manlalakbay

na may kanya-kanyang patutunguhang

walang tunay na kasiguraduhan.

Kadalasan nagiging malinaw lamang ang lahat

sa dapit-hapon, kapag palubog na ang araw.

Dahil sa pagkagat ng dilim,

unti-unting lumilitaw

ang kariktan ng mga unang bituin.

English version:

Because in the end,

we are all travelers

of different directions,

often-times clueless and uncertain.

And usually,

Everything becomes clearer

When the sun begins to dream.

And as the night slowly wraps us

In her dark embrace,

Then look up and look, really,

For this is when you see

 the early stars rare beauty...

Patintero

Eto na naman ako, reminiscin' about my childhood. Naalala ko lang bigla 'yung  mga paborito kong laro noong araw... nakaka-miss talaga 'yung mga laro noon... talagang ramdam mo ang bawat himaymay ng pagiging bata mo pagkatapos ng bawat laro. Masyado na kasing high-tech ngayon...pc games, facebook applications, on-line games... biruin mo nga naman, nakaupo ka lang sa silya, nagiging matagumpay na hasyendero ka na (farmville or farmtown) without being burnt by the sun o kaya naman ay napuputikan. Nakakapunta ka sa Las Vegas at nagiging batikang sugarol (Pokergames...)... may chance ka pang i-build up ang pagiging sadista at murderous nature mo (Mafia Wars, Civilization...ecc) without being literally killed or endangered in the process... Mamma mia!

Pero sa totoo lang... kumontra na ang gustong kumontra. Mas masaya ang mga bata nu'ng araw. Nakakagalaw...natatagtag ang mga taba at bilbil sa tiyan... nagkakasugat pero tumatapang. Walang pambili ng laruan pero tumatalino...nagiging creative dahil sa kagustuhang malibang. Sabi nga sa korean film na castaway on the moon, desire makes man smarter...(or something like that.) 


Makapal ang mukha (kabaligataran ng mahiyain?LOL) pero natututong bumuo ng matibay na pagkakaibigan. Hindi 'yung uso ngayon na easy friendship sa net...na isang click lang sa invite, friends na kayo. Kaya isang click lang din, pwedeng i-dismiss at burahin sa listahan. Swerte na talaga pag may nabuong matibay sa isang online friendship. At kung tutuusin, mangyayari lang naman talaga 'yun pag nagkita na kayo nang personal at nagkakilala nang harapan. Only then does it really becomes something real. 

Lately, computer games seem to create not just geniuses but also cowards and lazy folks hiding behind avatars who becomes heroes because they suffer and die for you. These games makes you feel successful without really trying and lead you to believe an illusion of growth. Yes, because that is really just it. An illusion. I'm sure there are also positive sides to them, maybe a sharper mind for organization... I just happen to believe something else is much better. 

Noong araw, kaysayang maging bata. Naglalaro sa putikan o sa ulan, di bale nang sipunin kinabukasan, may gamot naman. LOL! 

Patintero. I have learned and gained so much from this game.

I learned to be fast and to be alert kasi kung babagal-bagal ka at eengot-engot, matataya ka. And lets admit it, nobody really enjoys being the loser. Lmao!

I gained stronger knees and keener instict.

But most of all, I learned a very valuable lesson from the number 1 rule in patintero:

It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life. 

Just for the record, here is a clipping from the site http://palarongpinoy.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Ang_Opisyal_na_Patakaran_ng_Larong_PATINTERO

Ang Opisyal na Patakaran ng Larong PATINTERO: ANG SUMUSUNOD NA TALATA AY ANG OPISYAL NA PATAKARAN NG  LARONG PATINTERO NA BINUO NG MAGNA KULTURA NOONG IKA-18  NG SEPTYEMBRE 2008, AT NA INAPRUBAHAN NG DEPARTMENT OF  EDUCATION (DEP-ED) NOONG IKA-24 NG SEPTYEMBRE 2008.

Ang Patintero ay isa sa  pinaka-popular na Larong Pinoy. Minsan tinatawag din itong Harang Taga o Tubigan (dahil kadalasan ay binubuhusan ng tubig ang lupang nilalaruan). Ang Patintero ay nilalaro ng dalawang pangkat, na may pantay o parehas na bilang ng kasapi sa magkabilang koponan.

Kasanayang Matututunan: Susukatin ng larong ito ang bilis, liksi at talas ng atensyon ng manlalaro, at ang kakayanan nilang maglaro hindi bilang mga hiwalay na indibidwal kundi bilang isang nagkakaisang koponan.

Bilang ng Manlalaro: Limang (5)Bangon (Runners), laban sa limang (5) Taya (Taggers).

Layunin ng Laro: Kailangang makalagpas ang mga Bangon sa lahat ng linya --- mula sa una hanggang sa dulo --- at makabalik muli sa lugar na pinagsimulan (starting area), ng hindi sila natataya.  Ang mga Taya naman ay magbabantay, isang tao sa bawat linya, at pipigilang makalagpas ang mga Bangon sa pamamagitan ng paghuli at pagtaya gamit ang tapik o pag-abot ng kamay sa harap (hindi sa likod) na bahagi ng katawan.

Lugar Palaruan: Malawak ang espasyo ang kailangan sa larong ito. Kailangang markahan ang lugar ng parisukat na may habang anim (6) na metro pahaba, at apat (4) na metro pahalang na hahatiin sa tatlong magkakaparehas na sukat.

Kagamitan sa Paglalaro:Maliban sa sarili, at sa lugar palaruan, wala nang iba pang materyales na ginagamit  sa larong patintero.  Subalit sa mga opisyal na paligsahan, gumagamit ang mga manlalaro ng iba’t ibang kulay ng chalk na inilalagay sa palad ng Taya upang bumakat ang sa katawan ang paghuli sa kalaban at nagigiging batayan sa  balidong pagkakataya.

PANUTO SA PAGLALARO

1. Ang Laro ay pasisimulan sa pamamagitan ng Jack-en-Poy (Bato-Bato Pik - papel, gunting, bato). Ang sinumang manalo sa Jak-en-Poy, sila ang unang pangkat na maglalaro bilang mga Bangon.

2. Ang mga Bangon ay magsisimula unang linya at susubok na makalagpas sa bawat linya.

3. Ang Taya ay magbabantay sa bawat linya sa pamamagitan ng pagtayo at pagbaybay pahalang sa linya ng nakadipa ang mga kamay. Susubukan niyang abutin at matapik  ng kanyang palad o mga daliri ang harapang bahagi ng katawan ng Bangon na nagtatangkang makalagpas. Kailangang nakalapat ang dalawang paa sa linya habang nananaya. Hindi balido ang pagtaya na hindi nakalapat ang mga paa sa linya.

4. Kapag nakalagpag na sa linya ang Bangon, hindi na siya maaring tayain ng nalagpasang bantay-taya,  maliban na lamang kung pabalik na ito galing sa dulo.

5. Bawal lumagpas ang mga Bangon sa loob ng lugar nag palaruan.  Kapag lumagpas ang Bangon sa lugar ng palaruan, ito ay ikukunsidirang nataya.

6. Kapag nataya ang isa sa mga Bangon sa anumang paraan, halimbawa ay natapik ng Taya o nakalagpas sa lugar-palaruan, magpapalit ng lugar ang dalawang pangkat.  Ang kabila naman ang magiging Bangon, at ang nataya ang magiging Taya.

7. Ngunit kapag matagumpay na nakapasok at nakabalik ang mga Bangon ng hindi natataya sa anumang paraan,  ang koponan ng Bangon ay gagawaran ng isang (1) puntos na score.  Matapos maka-puntos, bahagyang ititigil ang laro at ang lahat ng Bangon ay babalik muli sa simulang lugar, at muling lulusob upang muling maka-puntos.  (tuloy-tuloy lang ang laro hanggat hindi sila natataya)

8. Matatapos ang laro kapag ang isang pangkat ay nakatamo ng ang napag-sangayunang bilang ng puntos. Ang pangkat ay idedeklarang na itong panalo.

OPISYAL NA PATAKARAN

SA LARONG PAMPALIGSAHAN

ANG SUSUNOD NA TALATA AY ANG TAKDANG PATAKARAN 

SA ISANG OPISYAL NA PALIGSAHAN NG PATINTERO

Sa opisyal isang opisyal, gagamit ng chalk na may kulayang bawat manlalaro, na ipapahid sa mga kamay ng mga Taya upang maliwanag na mapatunayan kung balido nga ang pagkakataya (sa harap na bahagi dapat ng katawan ang nataya).

ORAS: Mayroon lamang dalawang (2) minuto ang bawat pangkat para makaipon ng puntos.

Mga Opisyal na Kailangan sa Laro:

• Limang (5) line-referee  na magbabantay, isa sa bawat linya.  REFEREE
• Isang (1) tagatala ng oras, at isang tagatala ng puntos (score).

PATAKARAN NG PALALARO

I. Sa bawat guhit na malalagpasan ng Bangon, bibigyan ang pangkat ng dalawang (2) puntos. 

Ang puntos ay igagawad lamang sa nangungunang Bangon na pinakamalayong narating, at hindi sa bawat kasapi ng Bangon na nasa likod kahit nakakalagpas. Kapag nakabalik sa simulang lugar ng hindi natataya ang nangungunang Bangon ay magkakaruon ng karagdagang anim (6) puntos ang kanilang pangkat.  Kaya’t sa isang matagumpay na ikot, ang pinakamataas na puntos na pwedeng matamo ng pangkat ng Bangon ay (20) dalawangpung puntos.

II. Kapag ang isa sa mga Bangon ay nataya, muling babalik ang lahat ng Bangon sa Homebase upang magsilmulang muli, at ang itatalang puntos ay yoong sa kakamping Bangon na may pinakamalayong napuntahan.  (Pagkatapos lamang ng dalawang (2) minuto magpapalitan ang pangkat ng Bangon at ang pangkat ng Taya.)

III. Sa pagkakataong naging patas ng puntos ang dalawang grupo, bibigyang konsiderasyon kung sino sa dalawang grupo ang may mas maraming “home run”  o matagumpay na ikot. 

IV.  Sa pagkakataon naman na pantay na pantay ang dalawang grupo kahit pa sa mga “home run”, uulitin ang buong laro.

a)  Muling mag-ja-Jack en Poy ang dalawang pangkat kung sino ang unang maglalaro bilang Bangon;

b)  Sa pagkakataong ito, bibigyan ng limang (5) minutong tagal ang buong laro (hindi na dalawang minuto bawat pangkat);

c)  At sa bawat pagkakataya ng isang kasapi ng pangkat ng Bangon, palit kaagad at magiging bagong Taya ang dating Bangon;

d)  Ang may pinakamaraming puntos sa loob ng limang (5) minuto ang idedeklarang panalo.

_____________________________________________________________

Napakasaya ng larong Patintero.  Maraming magagandang alaala ang mga dating kabataang naglaro nito na hanggang ngayo'y sinasariwa pa ang mga eksena kasama ng kanilang mga kababata sa kapit-bahay.  Magandang matutunan din ito ng mga kabataan ngayon.  Ituro natin ito sa mga bata, para magkaroon sila ng kakaibang laro, larong Pinoy kasama ng ibang mga bata sa kapit-bahay.

Buhayin natin ang mga Laro ng ating Lahi.

Buhayin natin ang diwang maka-Pilipino

sa mga bagong kabataan sa panahong ito.

ITO ANG LARO NG MGA BATANG PINOY.

Haaaay...pinoy talaga. -_-'

March 19, 2011, Saturday afternoon.

Bilang isa sa mga volunteers sa consular outreach service ng Philippine Embassy ng Roma para sa pag-re-renew ng mga passports, as usual present na naman ako para tumulong, working like a slave just for the sake of public service, kahit wala ako mapapala kahit singkong duling, ika nga. Bukod pa sa sama ng loob kasi volunteer ka na nga lang, galit pa sa’yo ‘yung iba pag di mo napagbibigyan ‘yung kagustuhan nilang makapanlamang ng kapwa at mauna sa pila. Kadadating lang nila at kasa-submit ng mga dokumento eh gusto pang mauna. Galit pa sa’yo pag nagtatagal ang processing samantalang ang tanging kasalanan mo lang naman ay katangahan dahil pumunta ka pa nung araw na ‘yun kahit may mga tauhan namang binabayaran ng malaki ang gobyerno at nagpapasarap-buhay lang sa silya nila, taking life sweet and easy kasi nga may mga tanga naming volunteers na katulad namin. 

Well, ok na rin siguro kasi masarap naman sa pakiramdam ‘yung nakatulong ka sa mga iilang tao na talagang nangangailangan ng tulong at deserving na matulungan. Not to mention na pag medyo sinuswerte at napagkamalan akong kasama sa crew ng embassy eh may libre pa kong meryenda. LOL!  

Speaking of which, this is what happened na nakakatawa pero nakakainis, nakakainsulto at nakakasama rin ng loob. Although wala naman akong magagawa kundi magkibit-balikat na lang kasi…well…’yun lang kasi ang pwedeng gawin. Pinoy talaga…

Sa outreach pa lang mapapansin na ang di patas at di normal na pagtrato sa mga nandoon sa araw na ‘yun. I’m not talking about the applicants this time, that is yet another longer story.

This time I’m talking about the staff and what’s going on inside. 

Yes, may libreng pameryenda sa staff ng embassy at volunteers ng  consulate, pero kung volunteer ka eh bago ka pa maambunan ng mamemeryenda, sinusukat ka pa muna ng husto kung dapat ka nga bang abutan ng meryenda o hindi. Pag swerte ka at kakilala mo ‘yung nagdidistribute, bibigyan ka nila agad. Pag medyo minamalas malas ka, kunwari invisible ka at di ka nila makikita so ang aabutan lang nila ng pagkain eh ‘yung katabi mong staff ng embassy na sitting pretty at utos ng utos sa’yo kahit nakaupo lang siya at walang ginagawa pero may sweldo (di katulad mo) at sagot pa ng gobyerno ang hotel at pang-gastos. Pag talagang minamalas ka, magmumukha ka pang pulubi kasi maaawa sa’yo ‘yung staff ng embassy at ipanghihingi ka ng meryenda.

Letseng buhay ‘to, wala ka na ngang sweldo, wala ka pang pride. Kahit tuloy masarap sana ‘yung nagmamantika at medyo sunog na libreng sagimis eh naglalasang papel dahil masama sa loob kainin.

Wala naman ako actually masyado pakialam kung may sweldo o wala eh. Kaya nga ako pumapayag na maging volunteer eh gusto ko ‘yung trabaho at masarap makatulong sa kapwa. Siguro iniisip ng iba na katulad ng mga usual super epals doon eh may hidden agenda ako, like a chance to get noticed and get a job at the embassy. Sorry to disappoint but I threw away that dream a long time ago. Mula noong magkaroon ako ng “illumination” about the facts of life…some trash about You can’t have everything in life. Ok, fine. Since that was the case, I needed to prioritize and unfortunately career is not on my top list. So bye bye embassy dream. Maybe in another lifetime I will be a half-crazed career oriented all-I-care-about-is-my-job-bitch,   but not now… and this is yet another story to be told some other time. 

As I was saying, I really don’t care about the money. Maybe that’s the reason why “the money” doesn’t care back and I’m always broke. LOL!

Yeah, I really don’t care kung may bayad o wala. Ang ipinagpuputok ng butsi ko eh ‘yung trato na natatanggap ng mga tangang volunteers na katulad ko. Of course, I’m only speaking for myself, wala akong pakialam sa issues ng iba, kung meron man sila.

Volunteer lang ako pero nagtatrabaho din ako. Kahit dapat pahinga ako ng araw na ‘yun, present ako at nagtatrabaho katulad ng mga staff ng embassy with the difference of them getting paid and treated like some sort of gods by the usual bunch of bloodsuckers present. Kung kasing-guwapo sana sila ni Edward Cullen ng twilight, ok na rin…di bale nang sumipsip sila nang sumipsip. But man, they’re ugly as…oh never mind. Anyway, I guess what I really wanted is a bit more respect and appreciation, seeing as how I literally work my ass off.

A simple BUT sincere thank you would really very nice. Hindi ‘yung malamyang “Oy salamat ha, sa susunod ulet!” sabay talikod. Buhok lang yata sa ilong niya nakarinig nun. Para bang sinabi lang ‘yun out of courtesy at hindi dahil totoo sa loob.

‘Yung bukal sa loob na pag-aabot ng meryenda would be even nicer. ‘Yun na nga lang ang pinakabayad eh ipagkakait pa. Saka sana naman hindi ‘yung iaabot sa’yo ‘yung meryenda pagkatapos kang ituring na invisible being (plus iaabot lang sa’yo dahil ipinamalimos ka nung staff ng embassy). Bukod sa nawawala ‘yung lasa nung meryenda dahil sa sama ng loob, nakakasakit pa ng tiyan kasi masama rin loob nung nagbigay sa’yo ng pagkain. What the hell!

One last thing before this becomes too long. This lament fest is taking too long already.

Kinagabihan, may birthday party kaming pinuntahan kung saan invited rin ang staff ng embassy. As it happened, katabi nung table ng pamilya ko ang ibinigay na table sa embassy staff. Pareho lang namin na halos kadadating lang and they started serving us appetizers.

Probably having seen me during the outreach program, may naglagay agad ng isang platong puno ng pizza at bruschetta sa lamesa naming pamilya. The woman smiled at me and I smiled back, thinking "Wow, finally they appreciate my help."

Of course I was wrong. To make the long story short, ayun. Nung nakitang naupo sa lamesa ang mga magulang ko, and when they realized na hindi kami parte ng embassy staff, they took the plate of pizza back without hesitation before I could even say “wait”, leaving me with my grumbling stomach and equally grumbling soul.

Ouch. Ganon ba talaga ‘yun? Didn’t I do the same job, albeit without the ID marked PHILIPPINE EMBASSY  OF ROME STAFF? Didn’t I spend a day of my life to help out, a day I could have used to relax but instead spent like a slave with no pay at puno pa ng sama ng loob? 

F**k. That would be a day in my life I would never get back. Or maybe I’m just tired. Maybe it’s just stress and depression talking.  

Siguro naiisip ng nagbabasa nito, reklamo ka ng reklamo kadali ng solusyon, eh di ‘wag kang magpunta.

Well, in fact, I did just that.

Because today, March 20, 2011, Sunday, despite the fact na meron ulit maghapon na outreach program, I decided not to go. Sabi ko nga sa asawa ko, kapag nagbago ang isip ko at gusto kong pumunta, utusan mo ko...abuse your power as my husband and order me not to go.  I needed a break.

So today I’m not a stupid volunteer getting tired and feeling insulted.

Today I’m at home, sitting comfortably on my bed with a laptop writing my heart out.

Today I’m not wasting my life but enjoying it. 

I only wish I'd stop feeling a teeny bit sorry that I didn’t go.